I’ve had a trying past few weeks. Work and school and family
and friends and memories and regrets and life in general. Sometimes it just
catches up all at once and you’ve maxed out on your Xanax for the day. So you
cope in whatever way works. Sometimes I cry, but not often.
I have a theory on crying. It describes how I conceptualize feelings
within my person. The way I see it, I have reservoirs inside me for different
emotions – sadness, happiness, fear, anger, loneliness, joy, etc. As things
happen in my life, each of these reservoirs fill up. Once they reach the top,
the overfill results in tears for whatever emotion needs to be brought down to
a more manageable level. Sometimes it’s a fast fill (like anger – I tend to cry
when I’m angry which makes me more angry) but most of the time it’s a slow
fill. Occasionally, more than one reach their limit at the same time and it’s
not pretty. It’s a silly system and a logic that works for me.
Last night, I was tired and feeling sentimental and lonely.
I was thinking about my life in general and remembering a good friend who passed away earlier this
year and my sadness, loneliness, and fear buckets hit their limit. It was an
ugly cry. After my moment passed, and my reservoirs returned to normal limits,
I put on some music to soothe my weary soul. Eventually my playlist cycled to
one of my favorite bands, The Fray, and the below song came on. It seemed
appropriate and I thought I’d share.
